Sometimes people say some really mean, crappy things. Boo. Just boo. It’s a fact: “hurting people hurt people.” I’m not saying that’s a justified excuse, but it helps to realize that mean words are an overflow of a person’s hurting heart. Their words are not based on what is true, but instead they come from a false, dark place. Mean words need to be deleted from our “truth file.” We gotta send that junk straight to the trash!
However, the pain of hurtful words is real, and sometimes it’s hard to get over their impact. I understand! We know from the catchy tune “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift that haters gonna hate! It’s inevitable. Unfortunately even people who love us might say things that are hurtful and unnecessarily mean, and we can’t just “shake it off.”
From a young age, being a singer and dancer, I was under a magnifying glass. Authority figures (and others) pointed out my physical imperfections over and over and over again. Harsh criticism is par for the course when you choose to be on stage, but much of it was really hurtful, extremely personal, and truly not constructive. It’s one thing to be made aware of things that can actually be improved upon, but when people hurl insults about how we are inherently made, it leaves us believing that we are defective.
Consequently I was driven to try to please and measure up…any way that I could. I believed that if I could just win the approval of people, I would finally be secure and the pain would stop. Funny thing, it never happened. The problem was that I completely allowed my worth to be determined by the people around me. And I could see “truth” in every one of their criticisms. Plus the world seemed to confirm these opinions when I compared myself to people on TV, in movies and in magazines. My reliance on other people’s approval for my self worth caused a chain reaction of pain: eating disorders, depression, insecurity and more.
But here’s the good news: God is our healer! He heals the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds. (Psalm 147:3).
Thank God, when mean words come my way today, I have learned His ways of successfully dealing and healing. I want to share with you 3 actions to take when people say mean words:
1. Replace people’s words with God’s truth. People’s opinions are no longer the standard over you. Instead God is the only one allowed to give you your value! Psalm 139 says “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” In Ephesians we see that, “He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.” And you are “His masterpiece, created to do good works, that He planned in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10). This renewal of our mind takes time…it’s a process. Every time I want to believe that the way I’m created is not good enough, I have to recognize the lie and replace it with the truth: I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was created on purpose for His purpose and my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. See, Satan would love for us to be so insecure about ourselves that we shrink back in fear of doing great things! I’m getting mad just thinking about it!! Sometimes we have to say out loud, “Satan, you’re a liar and you have no say in who I am! God made me fearfully and wonderfully and you cannot deceive me anymore!”
2. Forgive by Praying. This is SO hard but when we forgive people, we release the power they have held over us. Believe me, we cannot fully heal until we completely forgive. Forgiving them only helps you! The best way to start forgiving someone is to pray for them. It is difficult to remain bitter about someone you are praying for. For more on this read: http://www.carolynhill.net/go-to-the-throne-not-to-the-phone/
God’s heart is for ALL to come to Him and be saved, no matter how rotten they’ve been. When we get to a place where we desire salvation, healing and redemption for people…even when they don’t deserve it…our heart is aligning with God’s!
3. Speak words of encouragement and love to others and to yourself. The negativity cycle stops with us!! God can certainly heal us from anything, but we don’t want to be the reason someone needs healing. There is a lot of power in speaking words of life over people around you…especially if you have suffered from receiving the opposite. This is overcoming evil with good! It is a choice to stop the negative cycle and defeat Satan. Refuse to talk meanly to yourself or anyone else.
On the flip side, here are 3 things NOT to Do:
1. Agree with the enemy. If you tell yourself long enough that you’re all of the negative things people have said, it will become truth to you. If you constantly tune into the world’s views and ignore God’s word, you will be deceived.
2.“Stuff” your emotions, ignore them and never let God help you to forgive. If you do that, it will resurface one way or another. Unforgiveness/bitterness can cause sickness and depression in many cases.
3.Lash out and return insult for insult. This only takes you down a path of pain in the long run. Don’t become what you hate!
Your Heavenly Father is crazy about you! He created you as His masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully. When you “hang out with God,” get to know Him and come to trust Him, His word will become more real and trustworthy to you. Seek the truth of who you are in Him and watch as the lies that were spoken over you dissolve into insignificance. ❤